Stitched Snakes
by doppelgengar
Summary: Soul Eater AU where everything is the same except Stein. Rated M for sexual themes later.


"So, you think you managed it?" Death asked, bouncing in his usual jolly way in front of his mirror. "Hm, hm, hmmmmm?"

A stoic voice hummed back lazily. "Of course, sir." There was a yawn. "He's not quite as…" A pause. "Friendly looking. As before, though."

"Yeah, yeah? Is that so?"

"He looks like a big angry blue gorilla if I were to be quite honest."

"…That hurts, Stein." A new voice echoed from the mirror. Much deeper and gruffer than the first.

"It's the truth," quipped back the first voice, Stein. "…Can you stop making that face, Sid?"

"What face?" The second voice from the mirror, Sid.

"…Nothing, never mind."

Death clapped his huge hands, "Stein, Sid, focus!"

"Hm."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, then," the death god, continued, never dropping his goofy tone. "Are we ready to move on to the next phase?"

Stein chuckled, lighting a cigarette, "The remedial lesson is ready to go, Lord Death."

Sid gave a salute, "Just waiting for your signal, sir."

"Alrighty, then! Let's get to work!"

…

Apprehension and fear bubbled up in my soul. On paper, this mission seemed relatively easy on paper. Four relatively well-trained DWMA students against one rogue meister? The odds were in their favor. Even if their teamwork tended to be a bit… lacking, what could possibly go wrong? The stitched grey walls of the patchwork laboratory loomed over Soul, Black*Star, Tsubaki, and I, the air charged with a strange energy. Even the blue haired idiot seemed cowed by the atmosphere.

_Still,_ I thought. _Raising Sid from the dead? This guy can't be normal… Doctor Franken Stein… Where have I heard that name before? _

The silence was interrupted by Sid, sitting bound to a nearby dead tree. "You know, I wasn't the kind of man to run away, but," At that moment the laboratory doors flew open, seemingly of their own volition. "I also wasn't the kind of man to let a bunch of kids get themselves hurt."

We didn't turn to look at him, and suddenly a low rumbling sound rolled through the air, slowly increasing in volume. I narrowed my eyes, "Something's coming…"

Soul glanced back and sneered at Sid, "What the hell are you talking about, corpse breath?"

"I'm sure Lord Death already told you this but, Stein wasn't exactly a normal student."

Rumbling sound was louder now, as if whatever was coming was much closer now.

Sid continued, his voice taking on an urgent edge. "Doctor Franken Stein is one of the greatest meisters to have ever graduated from the academy, probably the best. Run. Now. She'll kill you!"

At this, we all gave a collective surprised, "She?!"

The rumbling grew louder and louder, closer and closer, until I was sure it was coming from my own head, when suddenly a figure riding a swivel chair appeared in the doorway, rolling closer until the wheels of the chair hit the doorframe, sending its rider sprawling on the ground. We took a step back, a little unsure of what to make of this new development.

"Dammit, it still doesn't seem quite right," the figure mumbled, pushing themselves to their feet. It was a tall woman, probably just a little shorter than my dad. She had silver locks, wild and wavy, cascading down her shoulders, disturbed by a huge screw embedded in her head. She reached up to crank it, creating a terrible grinding sound until it stopped with a simple click. Adjusting her glasses and a straightening her stitched, bone white lab coat she said, "There, that should do it." She dragged the chair behind her as she turned to stroll back into the darkness. She raised a hand and mumbled around the cigarette hanging loosely between her lips, "Alright, I'm gonna try that again.

We stood dumbfounded and Soul half turned to me and murmured, "Shouldn't we stop her or something?"

I blinked. "Uhh, we just met her, isn't that, like, rude?"

Star chimed in as well, sounding intrigued, "I'd like to see what happens next."

"Yeah, so would I," Tsubaki agreed.

We waited apprehensively as the rumbling sound once again started up and grew in volume. I willed myself to see farther into the darkness as the sound got closer, and closer, until…

The chair's wheels once again got caught in the doorframe and once again the woman was sent tumbling to the ground in a pile of white coat, limbs, and computer chair.

_Is this chick for real?_

She laid on her back and peered at us from behind her wide circular glasses with a bored half lidded gaze before she finally spoke.

"Is there something you kids needed me for?" she drawled carelessly.

We sent heated glares back at her.

"Yeah, if you're really Doctor Stein," Soul snapped. Suspicion practically dripped from his voice and I could tell he was having his doubts about this woman's identity.

"Mm-hm," She hummed as she stood up once again, dusting herself off.

"Then, you're the one who did this," I pointed at Sid. "You're the one who turned Sid into a zombie!"

"Oh," she began monotonously, sitting in her chair again, this time with the back of the chair between her legs. "So, you kids must be from the academy, then." She glanced behind us and said, "Hey, Sid, how's it going?"

This confused me. "So why'd you do it? Revenge? Some grudge?"

She blinked at me and I could see mirth pooling in her steel grey eyes. Then, she laughed, low and sinister. I flinched and felt Soul take a step closer to me. She folded her arms over the back of the chair, resting her chin on them and spoke again, amusement coating her tone. "No, nothing like that, I have a simpler motive: experimentation and observation. Those are the only things a scientist needs, and I am a scientist." The mad doctor's lips curled up into a smirk. "Everything in the world is a test subject… Heh, including myself of course." She shifted again, now resting her cheek on her knuckles and I could see a line of stitches around her right eye.

I heard Tsubaki gasp and knew everyone else could see it, too. I gritted my teeth and held my ground and as I glared back into her grey eyes and as I did so, it started to feel like her gaze was piercing through me. It felt like something was poking around inside my soul.

I whispered to soul, "Can you feel that?"

"What?"

"Something strange is happening…"

"Huh?"

Stein's smirk widened playfully, and she hummed her next words mockingly. "Well, well, well. Your souls' wavelengths aren't very stable, are they? They're quite different from one another, actually. I see one soul is careless and arrogant, the other is earnest and strong willed. They appear to be in resonance, but in reality, they simply aren't."

Soul cocked his head a little. "What the hell? You mean, you can see the soul of someone who's still alive without a partner? In that case, you must be a good meister."

_He could even tell what kind of person we are…_

"You can read the characteristics of souls, too," I commented trying to keep from sounding too impressed. "Only the best meisters can do that."

"Why, thank you," she murmured.

Soul narrowed his and turned to me. "So what? You can see clearly like that, too, right, Maka?"

I laughed nervously. "Oh, of course!" _Not that clearly._

"Your soul seems confused by that statement," the doctor quipped. "How cute."

"Sh-shut up! Stop looking at my soul, you creep!"

She let out another quiet chuckle but was cut off by a high pitched cry from above.

"Yahoo! Yeah, shut up, little doctor, no one wants to hear you talk anymore! How about we talk about something more interesting!" Black*Star leapt down from the roof of the laboratory with another whoop, a bright grin plastered on his face. Tsubaki gasped worriedly. Stein's eyes shined with barely concealed insanity and she grinned like snake.

_This won't end well,_ I thought. But, Black*Star continued on his tirade.

"Who cares if you can see souls? Not like it matters, if I can't. I doubt I'd see anything interesting. As far as I'm concerned, the only soul worth looking at is MINE!" He through his head back and laughed cockily.

Stein laughed again and pushed her glasses up her nose. "Yes, yours _is _an interesting one. Wild and self-centered. You must always want to be the star of the show, am I right?" She turned the bolt in her head again. "It must be difficult to find a partner willing to even try matching wavelengths with you, huh?" She clicked her tongue with false pity.

Black*Star lunged at her with a roar. "No more talking!" He aimed a kick at the woman's head, only for her to deflect it with her arm. Baring his teeth, Black*Star aimed another kick at her back this time. She merely twisted around to dodge his kick and deliver her own punch sending the blue haired assassin flying backwards.

"Black*Star!" Tsubaki screamed, horror marring her features. She started towards him but froze in place when the older woman turned to stare at her.

"Ah, I see," she said. "You must be the wild one's partner. You're always willing to compromise and have rather accepting nature. It makes sense that a doormat would match with his wavelength." Tsubaki flinched at this.

Soul stepped forward. "Who do you think you are, you old hag?"

The mad doctor merely ignored him. "Now that I've collected all the required information…" She grinned. "I think it's time to begin the experiment."

I held my hand out to Soul. "Ready?"

He grinned back and took my hand in his. "Ready." He shifted into his weapon form and I grabbed hold of him, swinging him around in a way I hoped was at least kind of intimidating as I settled into a battle stance.

…

I studied the scythe wielding meister carefully as she charged brazenly. As she swung her partner down towards my face I merely kicked off the ground and rolled away. _Too obvious. _I noticed the blue haired kid was finally getting up and slowly creeping towards me. _Better keep an eye on that._

The scythe girl was clearly trying to keep my attention on her and not on her friend. _A nice attempt at team work… _The girl put all her weight behind an executioner's strike just as the boy reared up behind her preparing a similar strike with his kusurigama. _But, not good enough. _

I shifted back and ducked just enough that the scythe didn't even graze me while simultaneously ramming my chair into the blue haired kid's face. The girl ended up spinning around from the weight of her swing and I landed a kick to her side just as I heard a thump and the boy screech, "My face!" like an over dramatic monkey.

I couldn't bring myself to even pretend to care. Instead I chose to again focus again on the little scythe meister. She looked familiar somehow. _Ah, I know._

"I'm guessing you're scythe meister, Maka Albarn, right? I knew something about you was familiar." I tilted my head and smirked at her. "You're Spirit's little daughter, aren't you?"

The scythe cut in. "Who's Spirit?"

The girl sighed and grumbled. "That's what my father used to be called before he became Death Scythe." She narrowed her eyes. "But, how do you know about that."

I had to laugh at her face. _She's an exact copy of her mother. Poor Spirit. _"You're also the daughter of the woman who ended my greatest experiment. Ah, I still remember even now… So stupidly oblivious, I bet if Kami hadn't said anything I might even still have him as a lab rat." I snickered. "But, enough about your old man. I wonder what kind of test subject you'd make…"

I shot forward with my hand outstretched, my soul wavelength already pooling in my palm. Maka lifted the scythe to block. _Mistake. _I made contact with the scythe and immediately wrapped my fingers around the staff, pouring my soul's energy directly into the pair. They staggered and I took the opportunity to sever their resonance, disarming her and sending them flying.

They seemed shaken, and I decided to give them a moment to regroup as the weapon tried to console his meister. I was unsurprised when her next move was a sloppy attempt to rush me. I simply struck again with my wavelength and to her credit she took it much better than the first hit, only stumbling slightly. However, she tripped and lost her grip on her partner.

"Tsk, how unfortunate," I said darkly, reaching to pull the short girl up by one of her pigtails. Her partner called out her name but I kicked him away before he could take human form again. "That looked like quite a nasty fall," I hummed in her ear, pulling her closer. "Are you alright, little girl?"

She tried to pull away, but I merely tugged her pigtail harder. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. It'll only hurt more." I pulled her shirt up slowly, revealing her pale stomach but stopping just short of revealing her bra. "My, my. What lovely skin you have." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a black marker. As I popped the cap off, I said with a dangerous amount of sincerity, "Let's see if I can turn it into sandpaper!" _Ah, if Spirit could see this he'd skin me alive. Kami, too, now that I think of it._ I began to draw dotted dissection lines across the plane of her stomach."Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

Suddenly, the little blue idiot's high pitched screaming interrupted me. "You're about to need a new pair of glasses, freak! How could you have forgotten the great, me, was here!?"

Maka sighed in relief and I did, too internally. I reached up to crank my screw. _That was a little too close for comfort. _Still with a firm grip on the little scythe meister's hair, I drawled, "Easily."

"You're not the only one who can attack directly with their soul wavelength!"

"What?" I felt the kid's fist collide with my back and his own soul wavelength rush into my spine as he roared, "Black Star Big Wave!" In my shock, I dropped the scythe meister, sending her crashing to the ground.

My back stayed arched as he kept his fists there and I could tell that he was feeling victorious. I wanted to grin as I dashed his hopes and dreams and said, "A surprise from the wild boy." He slowly backed away. And his companions lamented. "Interesting." I whirled around and placed my palms on his temples. "But, not enough." And with that, I forced my soul waves into his skull. He screamed and I could feel my face twisting into a genuine smile as it increased in pitch. I let the current fade and he collapsed, blood oozing from his mouth as his weapon screamed his name again.

I turned to face the scythe meister and her partner and found them having a rather urgent conversation. I decided to give them another chance to regroup, I sat down on my chair again, crossing my arms over the back as I watched them carelessly.

"Come on Maka, let's show her who she's messing with!" The weapon whispered.

She shook her head meekly. _Oh? She's scared now._

"No."

He turned is head a fraction to watch me. "What do you mean?"

She tried to speak but words seemed to escape her and she just slid down to her knees. "It's impossible!"

I tilted my head and looked straight into her eyes. "So you can see my soul? Impressive." I knew my soul was rather intimidating, sporting stitches and a screw similar to the one in my own head. _She's so terrified I almost feel bad. Almost. _

She glanced back at her partner and shook her head again. "Can't…the difference between us it's…It's…Too much! She defeated me once! I could get you all killed!" She was practically sobbing now, and I was beginning to imagine Spirit lunging at me, screaming about making his precious baby cry. _Ah, Death._

The weapon shook his head, mirroring Maka's action from before. "No! Why are you just sitting there? Get up!" He bent down to help her up, grabbing her left shoulder. She shuffled, moving his hands away.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you could see the shape of her soul like I can!" She muttered hotly. I snickered at this.

Scythe-boy growled angrily. "You're wrong Maka! You just saw a soul, not your whole future! Don't give up before you even fight!" He grabbed her shoulders and shook her forcefully. "Don't give up on me Maka! Look up and listen to me…I'M TALKING TO YOU!" He screamed the last bit right in her ear. _I like this, kid, _I decided. _A bit stubborn, but he sort of reminds me of Spirit. _

She looked up in to his eyes and he smiled. "Now look over there" - he indicated over to me, just sitting casually, one hand holding up my chin and the other bringing a newly lit cigarette to my lips. _I probably should at least pretend I care._"The good doctor has been waiting patiently for you to finish your little temper tantrum…isn't that so polite of the nice lady?" I snorted at this.

Soul reached out his hand. "Come on. If we die, let's die cool!"

She smiled determinedly and took it. She turned to speak to me. "Sorry about that; I'm better now."

I grinned and held up my hand, letting my soul energy crackle at my fingertips.

The weapon transformed back into the scythe and Maka twirled him over her head. "Let's go! Soul Resonance!" They cried out in sync.

I felt their souls mesh together and grow stronger. I narrowed my eyes and watched carefully. _ No way…_

Their combined wavelengths made the scythe blade grow until it took the shape of a huge glowing crescent moon blade. "Oh, my. Aren't you a little young to be playing with such dangerous toys?" I taunted. _The witch hunter… at such a young age? _She took the opportunity to leap into the air and swing the blade in a cleaving motion with a righteous shout.

_Not bad kiddo…_ I caught the blade with my bare hands and used my soul wavelength. "And you can control it, too! Impressive!" She pressed down on it harder and I could feel her partner trying to will their resonance rate higher.

I laughed, wildly. "Admirable…But your skills are still too unpolished!" With that I sent a soul wave so strong it shattered witch hunter's blade into millions of tiny pieces and sent the duo zooming across the ground until they slammed into the stony wall of my patchwork laboratory. I kinda did feel bad for that one.

She slid down the wall and down to the grown, struggling to keep her eyes open. I strolled casually to them and snickered as I crouched down, cigarette smoke billowing upwards. I tossed my hair over my shoulder and reached towards the pigtailed meister. "You managed to remained conscious…Looks like I can still have some fun~" I purred.

Suddenly, the scythe boy took his human form again and glared balefully up at me, hunched over Maka's prone form. "I won't let you touch my meister! You will not touch Maka!" His determination hid his fright.

I let out a sharp short bark of laughter. "Fine. I'll just have to finish _you_ first!" He grit is teeth and clenched his eyes shut as reached out to him this time.

Both meister and weapon tensed as I reached out and patted the scythe's snow white hair. "…Congratulations! You passed!" I said cheerfully.

They looked confused. "Huh?!"

"You passed your test! Lord Death asked me to conduct your remedial lesson and you passed with flying colors."

"But you…test?" The albino boy appeared to be having trouble registering this. "If you were in on it, why'd you kill Black Star, huh?" He finally pointed an accusing finger at me, finding it easier to blame than accept the fact that the deadly battle was a set up.

I glanced lazily over at the ninja boy - _Black*Star_, I filed that bit information away for later - who was propping himself up weakly, leaning on his weapon's chest. The girl appeared to be trying to restrain herself from strangling him.

He pointed an accusing finger. "I bet you think _you're_ a great star now don't you, you hag!" I rolled my eyes and stared back at the scythe and scythe wielder in front of me, raising an eyebrow at them.

"I still don't get it," Maka proclaimed, frustrated.

"Well, Maka, it's simple," Sid's gravelly voice echoed from his position still bound to a tree. "I decided Lord Death could use my death to test you."

I nodded, taking another drag of my cigarette. "He gave up his own body to teach you brats a lesson. You did well enough, I suppose. In my books you all get A's."

"A test?" Soul repeated, apparently ready to kill someone for real. "We almost died…for a test."

"Yep! And I'll admit, I enjoyed almost getting to cut you kids open!" I laughed, as their faces contorted in horror. I laughed harder. "Oh, man, scaring you guys is even funnier the second time around!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Little Maka wailed into the dirt. "Please, Death, you have got to be kidding me!"

"Well, kiddos, it's getting late. Looks like you're should get going home, hm?" I twisted my screw and snickered. "Unless you'd rather spend the night here with me!" I held my arms out wide for a hug.

"Over our dead bodies!" They screamed.

"That can always be arranged~!" I sang playfully.

…

The next day, Lord Death guided me around the academy, despite my protests.

"Come now, Stein~! If you're gonna be a teacher here you've gotta know the layout, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're forgetting, sir. I went to this school. It wasn't that long ago."

"A decade and a half is a long time. What if you forgot something!"

"Really, sir, this is unnecessary."

"Hush, now, we're almost done. Now, I just need to introduce you to someone~!"

The death god stopped in front of a door and knocked. "Nurse Medusa~? Are you in there?"

"Come in," A woman's voice, and an unfamiliar one at that called back. _Weird, I thought most of the teachers were people who graduated with my circle of friends._

Lord Death pushed open the door and ducked under the frame and I followed right behind. Or at least I would have if he moved, instead he stood blocking the doorway exchanging pleasantries with this "Nurse Medusa." I lit a cigarette as I waited for the somewhat scatterbrained god remembered what we were doing.

"Oh, right, I nearly forgot, Stein I'd like to intro- Stein? Where'd you go?"

I hummed. "Behind you."

"Oh, sorryyy~. He shifted out of the door way to let me in. "I'd like to introduce you to our new school nurse, Medusa Gorgon! She'll be taking care of any accidents the students might have, but she may need your help if it gets to be too many! Anyway, I'll let you two get acquainted. Byeee~!" And with that, he left.

I merely raised an eyebrow at the woman he gestured to. She had dark blonde hair plaited in a braid in front of her and cropped short in the back. She closed her shining golden eyes and smiled, holding out her hand. "It's nice to meet you," she chimed her voice cheery and honey sweet. I stared at it for a moment, blinking. I didn't take it and simply gave a monotonous. "Pleasure."

She frowned, but I paid it no mind. I blew a smoke ring shaped like Lord Death's mask and placed a hand on my hip as I observed her. _There's something… off about this one. _Her golden eyes met mine, and for a moment I thought her pupils were slits. She walked closer to me and I noticed she was at least half a head shorter than me. She stopped when she was a mere couple of inches away. I crossed my arms. She glared into my eyes, but didn't seem willing to come any closer.

On a whim, I closed the distance between us. We stood chest to chest and I peered down at her, face schooled into a mask of indifference. "Can I help you?" Smoke billowed from my mouth as I smoke. A bit rude, but I didn't care.

She reached up and snatched my cigarette from my mouth. My lips still parted in surprise. "I must ask that you not smoke in my office, Miss…?"

I backed off, but only just so. "_Professor_ Franken Stein," I quipped.

Her venom filled glare reverted back into the friendly smile she had before and she said, "I hope we'll get to know each other better, but for now, I'm afraid I can't talk, I've got a lot of morning preparation to do~!" And with that she ushered me out.

I stared at the door to the nurse's office, half tempted to go back and give the short blonde a piece of my mind, but I thought better of it and walked off down the hallway instead. _Medusa Gorgon, huh? _I reached in my pocket for another cigarette and found the whole pack missing. "Tsk."

* * *

**a/n: well, what'd'ya know. i spent like all day writing this and i'm really hungry now bye. i'll update when i can. reviews are appreciated, thank you.**


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